Decision: The roots of the word are Latin; “de” and “cidere”, meaning to “cut away.”
In the words of Yogi Berra, “there was a fork in the road, and I took it.”
There are many things in the world that are deceptive in nature; I’m thinking about ice cream, for example. Ice cream tastes great (it’s another weakness of mine) but its high sugar content makes it injurious to my health – or anybody elses’. Too much of a good thing is toxic… we all know this.
Alcohol seems like a good thing to many, at first; so does heroin; both have anesthetic properties that relieve emotional pain and inhibitions. They seem like great things, like a great discovery, even… a cure for the pains of the day, or a means to feel at ease in ones’ skin; for some people, the first encounter with a drug or alcohol makes them feel at ease in their own skin for the first time ever in their lives.
But, we know the result when these remedies are sought again and again; eventually they stop working, and cause a series of other multiplying, serious problems, and life becomes unmanageable and unbearable in all arenas – mental, physical. spiritual, financial. Too often, the result is hospitals, institutions, or death.
We have heard a good practical definition of insanity many times- “doing the same thing while expecting different results.” This applies to romantic obsessions as well…
As long as the dynamics are static, then the outcome will be the same; no matter how seduced or tempted or nostalgic we feel; no matter WHAT we feel. If the situation doesn’t change – particularly with regard to the real availability of the other person – then the outcome will be the same; more pain, more unmanageability, more obsession.
The only real solution in these circumstances is to use ones’ power to decide… to cut away – to move decisively in another direction, without looking back. Another saying we have heard is “half measures availed us nothing..” A decision may seem abstract, and unattainable, as we keep bargaining within, keep the old debate going… If I give it up forever, will I miss it? Do I have to forget about this completely? Must I never(______) (______) again? I can’t stand the idea! I would rather die!
Alcohol and heroin don’t change their nature; the dynamics with them will always be the same, so the decision is easier to make, in a way. Human beings, on the other hand, have the ability to misrepresent, obfuscate, confuse, lie, cheat… all the while making themselves very attractive in any number of ways. The thing that counts, in the case of romantic obsession, is actions – and dynamics. What are the actual facts? Has the person become available?
Fork in the road? TAKE IT. Don’t expect different results! We HAVE the power to decide.